


he said my heart is faith; well mine's regret

by Rigil_Kentauris



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst, Brief reference to self harm, Epistolary, M/M, Oneshot, Regrets, Remembrance, Separation, Writing doodle, canon typical fucked-up-ed-ness, dark curse issues, disjointed thinking, not -graphic- depictions of violence but definitely pay attention to tags, short but blatant reference to attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rigil_Kentauris/pseuds/Rigil_Kentauris
Summary: An unsigned... piece of fiction. Yes. An unsigned prosaic work on the nature of grief and violence found by the Prince in Zacharias' quarters the night after his... unrelated disappearance.
Relationships: Zacharias/Alfonse (Fire Emblem)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	he said my heart is faith; well mine's regret

**Author's Note:**

> i know thats not the lyrics but i have a permit  
> anyway whatever the writing equivalent of doodling is? thats what this is. im just gonig to call it doodling. anyway, doodling before bed. here you go

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry I never told you I loved you._

_I'm sorry I never told you I used to close my eyes when you were reading, and not pay attention to the words, and not pay attention to the story. I'm sorry I never told you that when you spoke, you were the only thing in the world I cared for._

_I never told you how much I thought of you. Your dedication. Your kindness. The way you laughed and the way you made_ me _laugh, at the silliest things. I never told you how much that I thought was silly. I never told you how much I treasured that I was safe enough to find joy and delight in things so small they could be marginalized and dismissed as trivial. I never told you how much you counted for. More than the stars and the moon and the weight of every piece of history I had ever picked up and touched and begged to give me answers._

_You are more than all of history and time, to me._

_It is my deepest regret that I will never be able to tell you these things. It is my deepest sorrow that I will never be able to think them again. I would cut out every piece of myself that strikes out against you, if I could. I have tried. I do not own knives sharp enough to last._

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt myself. I'm sorry I hurt myself for you, because of you, because of me. Because of me. I'm sorry I loved you._

_I wish..._

_I wish I never loved you._

_I wish I had never seen you. Wish we'd never sat in the sun and read fables, and only paid attention to the time so we could know when I was allowed to lay my head against you and feign tiredness. I wish I'd never known a world big enough to contain someone like you in it._

_I wish you didn't_ consume _me. I wish I didn't_ burn alive _at night at just the thought of you, breathing. Your eyes. Your blood. The life that clings to you and the way I seize you up in my hands and you are this fragile thing. So calmly present in such a faint sliver of time and space and eternity, and when you are gone, you will be GONE. Forever. Such a slip of a man. You are nothing against the weight of blood and hate that spans the length of all the living._

_It is my deepest regret that I didn't kill you. It is my deepest regret that I didn't kill myself. At the same time, both of us. We could have been linked. But I haven't arms strong enough to hold on._

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever met you. I'm sorry you would have been better off without me, and I'm sorry I was too despicable to leave your life untouched by mine._

_This is all I have to give you, then. This, then, is all I have left._

_I'm sorry._

_Don't look for me._

_Please._


End file.
